Ex'd
by Angelfallen4
Summary: Edward Anthony Masen. Ex soulmate. Ex best-friend. Ex'd out of Isabella Swan's life. She loves him, he loves another... Something like that. Replacement for I Love You More Than Life Itself. That story is being re-written. Suicidal Bella in beginning.
1. Chapter 1

**disclaimer: I don't own Twilight. **

**Summary: Edward Anthony Masen. Ex-soul mate. Ex best friend. **_**Ex'd **_**out of Isabella's life. She loves him, he loves another. **

**AN: I deleted I Love You More Than Life Itself. And this one is going in it's place. I have the next two chapters written out, but i'm saving them for future updates. In the meantime, i'm going to be re-writing ILYMTLI. (I Love You More Than Life Itself) it really has no real direction of story plot. And... I'm sorry i even decided to post it. it's not fair to you guys. So... here's _Ex'd ._**

**Prologue**

**Bella**

Darkness surrounded me, my thoughts in a twisted mess. I gripped the cold object in my hand and bit my lip.

Should I?

Should I not?

A gust of cold air permeated the room.

I shivered.

Yes.

Yes.

Yes.

Do it.

I pulled the metal object closer.

_Just do it Bella. No one will care. No one will remember you. No one loves you. _

I gulped.

I had to do this.

There was no other option.

_He was gone. _

Keeping my eyes closed, I pulled the knife's blade towards my wrist.

The bath was ready.

Do it.

Do it.

Do it.

I had already written my suicide note. It was sitting inside of _his _apartment on the kitchen counter.

I had a spare set of keys from, _back then. _

Luckily, I knew he wasn't going to be home. He was at _her _house. My heart clenched.

I sighed. I had already planted my goodbyes; this had to be a done deal. I _had _to do this.

I took in a deep breath and put pressure on the tip of the blade.

My skin dipped, and a dent filled.

I pressed again, a little harder this time. It was beginning to become uncomfortable. I winced and fought through it.

Bang bang bang!

My eyes popped open from the loud noise downstairs. The door.

Bang BANG BANG!

The noise got louder.

I scampered down the stairs. And tiptoed to the shaking door. Who was here?

I peered out of the eye hole and was met with grey.

A grey, tight fitted undershirt. I gasped.

It couldn't be, could it?

NO! He can't be here, he ant be here now!

My eyes followed on up and I saw a fierce dark green. His eyes were blazing.

He was here.

Should I answer the door?

"BELLA!" I leaned against the door and slid down to the ground. I had missed his voice.

"ISABELLA! I KNOW YOU ARE IN THERE! DON'T YOU DARE DO IT," he paused, "I swear-" his voice broke off in a muffled choke. "I swear if you do… I'll come in there and cut you up myself!" Of course, I knew he would never do this; but, the threat and warning was clear.

I stood up again, and slowly unlatched the door.

I had made my mind; I was going to open the door.

Grasping the knob gently, I turned it.

_Swish! _

The door burst open and I stumbled back.

Warm, strong hands wrapped around my waist, and my eyes met with wild green.

"What the hell are you thinking, Bella?" _he _shook me hard. "I… I don't know."

"Yes, you do! Bella…" his voice was full of warning. I sighed and looked down, ashamed. "I can't… I can't live without you, Edward."

0o0o0o0o0o000o0o0o0o00

Warm arms wrapped quickly around my waist and held me tight.

"It's alright, Bella… I-" He broke off abruptly, "I'm here now. I won't ever leave you."

I stiffened in his arms.

He didn't mean it.

He didn't mean it before, and he doesn't mean it now.

His words were like a glass full of ice water.

I pulled away from him.

"No."

Edward shifted, and looked into my eyes. "No?" he repeated, looking slightly hurt.

I almost gave in.

_Almost._

"No. I don't believe you, Edward. You told me this before, and look at where we are now." I looked at him head on. He shifted his eyes.

"I am still here, am I not?" he challenged. "No. you aren't. Not truly. Not fully."

"Bella…" he sighed.

"_What would I do without you?_

_My heart is pounding,_

_Beating for you baby,_

_What would I do without you?"_

Tristan Banes, "Without You" began playing from Edward's phone. He looked down at it.

"I have to get this, sorry." He arms fell to his pocket, and I instantly felt cold.

_I need you._

_I love you._

_I miss you._

My heart was screaming to him.

"Hey baby."

It was _her._

"No, I…"

"Yes…"

"I'm at Bella's."

Then, his tone changed. His voice lowered and his eyes darkened.

"I can't just leave her, Tanya. She needs me- more than you, at the moment." He glanced over at me and sent me a small smile. My heart fluttered.

"Bye Tan. I'll see you at home." He hung up without another word.

"Bella…" he sighed and started over to me.

"I never knew you felt… that _way._" His arm reached out to touch me, but I flinched away. "I'm so sorry, Bella… I'm so _sorry." _He choked on his last few words.

"I love you too, Bella. If that makes any difference. But, I don't think I'm able to love you the way you want me to love you." I squeezed my eyes shut.

"You deserve a man who can devote himself to you completely. I don't know think I can do that." He sounded so sincere, and filled with pity.

I hate pity.

"Then how come you can devote yourself to Tanya? Am I not good enough?" I scoffed, "Silly question. I _know _I'm not good enough. Tell me what I need to do so you can love me."

"There is nothing wrong with you, and I _do_ love you, Bella!" his voice was rising.

"No! You don't! Or else you wouldn't hurt me like this. You wouldn't have left me the way you did… you wouldn't have." Unwanted memories were rushing themselves to the surface of my brain.

_Go away! I don't want you here!_

But they didn't listen.

Stab after stab of memories were pouring into my head.

_Make it stop!_

"I didn't know you loved me like that, Bella! I didn't know. I wouldn't have left you that way."

"It doesn't change the fact that you did. That you did leave me that way." I paused, "but, even if I didn't love you the way that I loved you, I would still _love_ you."

He looked at me confused.

I tried again.

"Even if I only loved you just as a friend, I would have still, _loved _you. You don't leave someone you supposedly 'love' for a month with no communication. You wouldn't leave without saying goodbye! No, you wouldn't do that to someone you love. Cause' if they still love you, in any form, it still hurts. It still burns."

Edward looked at me with sad eyes.

"And then, to not come back for another year? More or less with a _girl _on your arm? If you come back engaged?" I shook my head, trying to clear myself of the pain.

"You don't do that."

I couldn't fight the tears anymore.

Salty drops poured form my eyes and streamed down my face.

"Bella… I can't express how sorry I truly am."

"You don't have to, Edward. There is nothing you can do to make me forget. Nothing can heal me now. Nothing ever will."

And with that, I grabbed the handle of the hidden knife and brought it to my neck.

"Bella!"

0o00o0o0o0o0o0o0o0


	2. Chapter 2

**disclaimer: I don't own Twilight. **

**Summary: Edward Anthony Masen. Ex-soul mate. Ex best friend. **_**Ex'd **_**out of Isabella's life. She loves him, he loves another. **

**AN: I deleted I Love You More Than Life Itself. And this one is going in it's place. I have the next two chapters written out, but i'm saving them for future updates. In the meantime, i'm going to be re-writing ILYMTLI. (I Love You More Than Life Itself) it really has no real direction of story plot. And... I'm sorry i even decided to post it. it's not fair to you guys. So... here's _Ex'd ._**

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

"Bella! Come back to me, please! Oh my god." A strangled voice drifted to my senses.

Where was I?

I blinked open my eyes.

"Oh thank god, you're… alive." A sad angel was kneeled over me.

Was I in heaven? Could it be possible?

Edward the angel was here.

I was in heaven.

I smiled deliriously.

"Bella, you better lay back. You fell pretty hard." He winced.

_Oh no! Angel Edward! Don't cry._

_I hate to see you cry._

"What?" my voice came out scratchy and rough.

It was then that I realized my head was _throbbing_.

"What happened? Am I dead? Please…" I closed my eyes and wished hard.

"Bella!"

I snapped my eyes open.

Angel Edward was still hovering over me, peering down at me with sad green eyes.

"You're not dead, Bella. You… fainted. Right in from of me. I thought you had stabbed yourself with the knife." tears were beginning to gather in his eyes.

_Don't cry Angel Edward! Don't cry!_

"I'm sorry…"

"You should be! Bella, you tried to kill yourself- in front of me. Luckily, I knocked the knife right before you…" he closed his eyes.

"I will never forget that moment." He reopened his eyes; they looked haunted.

I tried to sit up to touch his face, but, my headache restrained me.

I hissed.

"Yeah, Bella. Your head is going to be a bit tender for a few days… I think you should let me drive you to the hospital- you fell really hard. How could you do this?" he muttered.

"I did this because of you." My voice was getting stronger.

Edward stopped cold.

"Please tell me you're not serious." He looked into my eyes, and gripped me tightly.

I wish I could lie.

"I am serious, Edward. I did this, or attempted to, because of you." He squeezed his eyes tight and began to shake his head back and forth, back and forth.

"I did this, because I can't live without you. I can't _be _without you. It's not possible to me."

"But it is! Bella, don't you see! I'm no good for you! I cause everything bad in your life! I caused this! You said so yourself."

I smiled sadly.

He didn't get it.

"I love you, Edward. I want you to be happy. And you are happy with Tanya."

"But that doesn't mean you have to… _off _yourself!"

I sighed.

"I guess, but it seemed like the right idea. I couldn't live without you, and you needed Tanya."

He sighed loudly.

"That doesn't mean you need to kill yourself!"

I flinched.

""I'm sorry, Edward."

"Just… just promise me you won't do it again; that you won't have these thoughts and you won't attempt this again."

I didn't answer.

"Bella…"

"I can't promise you that… I need you, Edward. Don't you get it?"

He didn't answer.

"Bella… I think- that it would be beneficial if I were to… to leave." He whispered quietly. I didn't say anything. My mind was in shock. He couldn't be leaving me _again._

"No!" my panic burst up through my lips. "No, no, no. you can't leave me! I will kill myself, I promise. Don't leave me… you can't…" I started to get dizzy and the room seemed to sway. It was only when I hit Edward's chest that I realized it was me swaying.

"You can't leave… don't…" my eyes fluttered and the darkness was suffocating.

Edward didn't say anything.

He continued to rock my while I battled my body for consciousness.

But, my attempts were futile.

The dark was winning.

And that is when I finally gave up.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

"Bella… sweetheart, wake up." A soft voice was shaking me out of my reverie.

I blinked my eyes open.

It was my mother.

"Mom?"

She smiled softly. "Yes, sweetheart. It's me."

"Where am I?" I sat up slowly.

"You're…" she bit her lip and looked away. "You're in Forks Rehabilitation Center building 5A. Room 215." She looked at me sadly, her eyes welling up with tears.

"I'm at FRC? Why?" why would I be at the rehab center?

"You don't remember?" she gasped.

I began shaking my head, but mid-way into the shake, I paused.

_Edward._

He was there.

Memories of the previous night hit me at all sides.

When I was determined to… _off _myself.

When Edward banged on the door.

When I answered it.

When I tried to kill myself in _front _of him.

When I cried.

When he held me.

When he said that he loved me.

When he said… when he said he was leaving me.

I skewered my eyes shut.

He couldn't leave me.

He couldn't!

"I… I remember."

My mom sighed.

"Sweetheart…" My mom looked at me with sympathy and pity. I hate pity.

"It's okay mom. I know what I did. I know what the consequences are. I know _he's _gone." My breath faded away on the last few words.

"What?" Mom asked, "Edward, you mean? He- oh no. _no. _you have it all wrong. Edward is here, he's outside the door." She smiled slightly, "He was freaking out and the doctors had to escort him out of the room."

Oh.

"He's here?" I whispered.

"Yes. Would you like him?"

I nodded my head silently.

He didn't leave me. He was still here.

"Alright, I'll send him in." Mom walked to the door and shut it quietly.

Soft murmurs were sounding outside.

Suddenly, the door burst open.

Edward.

His eyes.

His hair.

He was here!

"Bella…" he sighed, letting out a full gust of air out. Instead of talking, he walked the few steps to my bed and sat.

We sat there in silence.

"Bella… you know that this is a big deal. Your family wants to admit you to the suicide rehab here. You're… depressed."

I didn't answer.

I didn't want to tell him again.

I was only this way because he left me.

And I loved him.

But he doesn't love me.

He loves Tanya.

A sudden burst of anger flew to my senses.

"Bella… please answer." He sighed pleadingly.

I grinded my teeth together to keep the anger from boiling out of me. This might be my last time with him; I wasn't going to ruin it.

"Alright." Edward got up from my bed and started to walk away, "If this is how you're going to play it, then I have to go. I can't watch you go on this way."

Panic began to build inside of me.

He couldn't leave me!

"No!" my voice came out in a strangled cry.

Screw being angry.

I needed Edward. And if he needed me to be well, I was going to be well.

"I'm sorry, Edward. I was mad at myself. Please don't leave me. Please… I won't do it again. Don't leave me!" I looked up at him, tears already welling up in my eyes.

"Bella, sweetheart." He came back over and hugged me tight. "I'll be with you every step of the way. You just got to let me in." He kissed the top of my head and I sighed deeply.

I needed this.

I needed him.

I couldn't breathe _without _him.

"I don't want to go to rehab, Edward. As long as you're here, I'll be fine. I'll heal."

Edward didn't answer.

"Bella… I can't fix you on my own. I'm going to need some help. Please, just consider going to rehab. Please. For me."

I shook my head.

I wasn't going to rehab. I was a twenty year old woman. I could decide for myself.

"I'll visit you every day. I promise. Please, I want you to get better. Then, we can all go out together."

All?

"Me, you, Tanya… and perhaps a boyfriend that will be in your nearby future." He wiggled his eyebrows jokingly, but he just made it worse.

I was never going to be with him.

"I guess you'll never love me the way I love you, Edward. Huh?" I pushed myself up and out of Edward's chest.

I missed the warmth immediately.

Edward's eyes went alarmed; he had just realized his mistake. "No, Bella… forget about that now. Please, just get better. I need you too, Bella."

Not enough, apparently.

But I wanted Edward to be happy.

"You'll visit me every day?" I didn't dare look into his eyes.

"Yes…" he breathed.

"Alright. I'll do it."

He seemed like he was about to say something, but I quickly cut him off.

"But I'm only doing this for you. I want to check myself in because the day that you… the day that you get married, I'm checking myself out. I want the option to leave. By myself. On my own will."

He looked at me.

Guarded. I could tell.

I just needed the time to convince him that I could be loveable too. That he could love me the way that he loved Tanya.

If he really 'needed' me to get better, then he would agree to my deal. I could stall his marriage.

It sounded greedy, selfish and cruel, to stop him from his 'happiness', But, I honestly did not think that Tanya was the right girl for him.

I would never do anything to jeopardize his true happiness.

I just needed to get better and make him love me.

"Alright." He closed his eyes and when he opened them, I could immediately see what he was thinking.

_Tanya was not going to like this. _

"Alright," he repeated. "But you have to promise to try." He looked at me, a determination burning in his eyes.

He really wanted me to get better.

I almost regretted my plan to break up his engagement.

Almost.

"Deal."

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**Fireflies371**


	3. Chapter 3

**Hey everyone! I changed my name. If you couldn't tell. I haven't been on here in forever and truthfully, there is no excuse. Anyway, here is the next chapter of Ex'd. **

**Disclaimer: don't own anything, and I have NEVER BEEN TO ANY FORM OF REHAB. I don't know how it works.**

Bella POV

The doors were white.

The floors were white.

The wallpaper was white.

Everything was white.

Even the lady at the front desk. Old age was creeping on her and white hairs were sprouting haphazardly around the _grey _clip holding her hair back. Unfortunately, the weak clip was failing.

"Hello sweetie, my name is Mrs. Cope. Do you have an appointment?" the elderly woman smiled at me wearily. "Yes." I whispered.

My voice cracked and Edward gave me a reassuring squeeze. "Alright, then, Dr. Banner will be back shortly; he is on lunch break, Mrs.," she looked at me and then at Edward. I blushed at her insinuation.

"Oh no, Mrs. Cope, we are not married. I'm Edward Cullen and my friend here, Miss Isabella Swan, is here to make an appointment with, Mr. Banner you say?" Edward quickly corrected her and while his voice was polite, there was an underlying strain.

I sighed.

Was he really that repulsed by the idea of me being his wife?

I looked down, ashamed.

"Oh, I apologize. You two seemed so much like a couple, I just assumed," Edward quickly cut her off, "No, Mrs. Cope. I'm actually engaged to be married. Um, to a different girl. Not Bella."

Edward stuttered as he kept pointing out the fact that I was _not _his wife, or girlfriend. Hell, the way he was implying, it hardly even seemed I was a friend to him. More like a burden; a visitor who has overstayed her welcome; in his heart.

Tears began to pool in my eyes.

I blinked the tears away and looked to Edward, "You don't need to be here. Thanks for coming with me." I didn't look him straight in the eye, I couldn't. Because, as much as I wanted him here, I didn't want to be a burden; which, I knew, I already was.

Edward looked back down at me, "What? Bella, are you sure? This morning you were completely adamant about me going." A hint of frustration colored his voice. Ah, this morning. Tanya had called Edward and had wanted to go out for breakfast, but I begged and even cried for Edward to go with me.

But now, here I was, relieving him from his duties.

I'm such a bad person. I've kept Edward from his fiancé and now he probably thinks I'm bi polar.

"Oh, right. Well, you don't have to be here. Maybe you can call Tanya and see if she still wants breakfast." I mumbled, looking down. Edward sighed, "Bella."

I didn't look up.

"Bella." He said, more firmly.

"Isabella!" I looked up, cautious. He never used my full name. And when he did, I knew I was in trouble. "When are you going to learn that I _want_ to be here? That I _want_ to help you? I understand if you want me to wait outside while you talk to Mr. Banner, or if you want me to come inside, so be it. But you can't keep pushing me away. You're reluctance to let me in is wearing me down." He sighed.

"I'm sorry, Edward." I looked down. I didn't want him to see the shame and hurt I felt in my eyes.

"Bella, I," Edward started, "Isabella Swan?" a deep, rich voice called out. I looked up. A man, no more than forty was standing in the _white _doorway. I nodded my head, to show I had heard him.

He smiled kindly, "Hello, I'm Dr. George Banner. Would you please follow me?" I nodded shyly.

Then, I looked to Edward, "You can go home, Edward. I'm sorry to have been a burden." I saw that Edward was about to object, but I ran after Dr. Banner before he could say anything.

Blinking back the tears, I slowly followed the man in front of me. I didn't know what to do anymore. I wanted Edward to be happy, and all I've ever wanted was for _me _to be the person to do so.

But, the more I thought about it, the clearer it became. I wasn't destined to be his _one_. I wasn't what fate had in mind for him. He may be my prince, but I will never be his Cinderella.

The only way that I could possibly make him happy, is to get better. I needed to be able to support his decision to marry Tanya. And, as much as it killed me to say this, I needed to stop relying on him. I needed to let him go; so he could live his own life.

Apart from me.

And, Me apart from him.

I sat down in the leather chair. Crossing my arms, I became very self-conscious. How would this go? Would he judge me? Would he find that I was completely broken and unable to be fixed? I shuddered at the thought.

But, it was true.

I _was _broken, and in my mind, I was much farther than broken beyond repair.

"So, Isabella, how are you today." He sat down and leaned slightly forward. "Uh, fine." He nodded slightly. "Is that your boyfriend out front, I saw you were not wearing a ring." He smiled kindly, and my face heated. "Um, no. he's not… anything."

Dr. Banner scrunched his face, "So, he's nothing? I'm sure he must be something if he brought you here." I frowned. So this is how it was going to go.

"No. He is, _something, _I guess. He's just not my boyfriend. He's not mine. At all, or in any way." I scowled down at the floor. I hated this. Dr. Banner slowly leaned back, "But, you would like him to be." His question was completely rhetorical. Of course I wanted Edward to be mine!

"Yup." I looked toward the clock on the wall. It hadn't even been five minutes.

"Why are you here today, Isabella?" I was really getting tired of that, 'Isabella' crap. I almost corrected him, but I didn't want to him to be able to call me and know me on such a personal level. Yet, that is what therapy is for.

Strange men and women prying unwantedly into people's lives. I don't think this is going to work for me.

Dr. Banner seemed to see the 'flight' look in my eyes and quickly interrupted my thinking. "Isabella, I know that this situation doesn't seem to appealing for you, but the only way that this will work is if you try; if you have the will to get better. "He looked at me expectantly. I looked at him blankly.

"I do want to get better. For him. I want him to be happy and the only way he will be is," I paused, "is if I get healthy, and able to support his decision." My voice was no louder than a whisper at the end.

"Isabella, who is, this 'he'?"

"Edward." I whimpered.

"Edward," Dr. Banner started slowly, "Tell me about Edward."

And so, the story was unleashed. I told him everything.

"…and I've known him forever and now he's engaged and all I've ever wanted was him but he doesn't see it and I've tried everything and nothing worked and I am kind of using him and I want to stop and he caught myself trying to kill myself," I couldn't stop, "Wait, Isabella, you tried to kill yourself?" I nodded.

"Over a guy?" I scowled.

"Not just _any _guy. Edward." I looked at him pointedly, but it was no use. He wouldn't understand.

"I understand." I looked up, shocked. Did I hear correctly? "Isabella, I once went through what you are going through now." I looked at him skeptically, "Of course, the situation is different, as of me being a man you a woman, but the circumstances were much the same." I just looked at him.

"There was this girl. It was my senior year of high school and my whole world was her. We were very good friends. She just never felt the same conection as I did to her. Of course, I know now, that that friends' is all we were ever meant to be. But, at the time, it felt like the end of the world. But, I got over it. I met someone new, someone who was right for me. I met my wife." He finished off, looking at me seriously.

"But that's just it!" I exclaimed, "There will never be anyone other than Edward! I've accepted the fact that we aren't meant to be and that I have to let him go, but I will never love another! Can't you see that? If you truly loved that girl, you would know what I'm talking about. He _is _my whole world. And that will never change." I sat back in my seat, feeling a bit shaken.

Dr. Banner only smiled, "Isabella, how old are you?" I scowled at him. He must already know this; it's in my file.

"Twenty three." I answered.

"Yes," he nodded, "you are young," I cut him off quickly, "I know where you're going with this." He shook his head slightly, "no, you really don't. Isabella, you are twenty three. You are at the peak of your life, a place both made of mistakes and memories. And, you've already done the hardest; you've accepted what you can't have." He paused, "Destiny isn't something I usually talk about in our first session, but with you, I think it might be a way that I can break through to you."

I shook my head defiantly. He wouldn't change my mind about Edward; I would love him till the end of time. I know I'm not meant for him, but I _know _that _he _is meant for me.

"Do you believe in God?" he asked suddenly. "Yes." I answered.

"Then you must know by now, that God loves each and every one of us. He will not let any of us go, even the evil. You were born with a purpose in this world, and you are meant to fulfill it. Same for Edward, he is meant to do his part in the world. And, as much as it may hurt to hear, not everyone gets their happy ever after. Not everyone gets what they want. And, it simply is just out of our hands." He looked at me sympathetically.

I didn't want sympathy.

"I didn't need that whole God talk, Dr. Banner. I've already heard it, and I've already made up my mind about it. I may not be right for Edward, but Edward is most definitely meant for me."

Dr. Banner shook his head softly, "It doesn't work that way, Isabella."

I clenched my teeth. It does for me. And, as everyone knows, there is an exception to every rule. Dr. Banner looked at the clock, "Isabella, our hour has passed, and therefore, our time is up." I almost smiled.

"I would like to give you some homework." And my 'almost smile' quickly disappeared.

"Until the next time I see you, I want you to go on with life, and try to not rely on Edward. Write a short description of everyday and include whether Edward was impacting that certain day."

I scoffed Edward impacts every day.

"Okay, thanks for the session, bye." I stood stiffly and walked towards the door.

"Goodbye, Isabella. I hope you make the most of your next week."

I didn't answer him.

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	4. Chapter 4

**Hey everyone! Thank you to, ****sujari6****, and three other anonymous people who reviewed my story! It really helps to get your insight on my chapter. **

**Disclaimer: I don't own twilight. And this story is not beta'd by anyone but myself.**

**A/N: I'm going to Kansas tomorrow, so, I won't have internet or my laptop. I'm sorry!**

Bella POV

People say that absence makes the heart grow fonder; they're right- in a way. I've been doing what Dr. Banner told me to do, and have been avoiding Edward at every attempt that he has tried to make contact with me.

I just simply refuse it.

I've been thinking of what Dr. Banner said, about us not being 'destined' to be with each other, and I've… accepted the fact.

I use the term accepted very loosely.

It is, of course, hard to let him go. It is hard to let _anyone _go who you have known since kindergarten. And loved.

But, whatever.

_You have three new voicemails:_

I sighed. They were all from Edward.

_First new voicemail:_

"_Hey, Bella, listen… I don't know why you're avoiding me, but, I just wanted to let you know that I will respect you're decision, I just didn't want you to think that I was skipping out on-"_

_Message deleted._

_Next new voicemail:_

"_Bella… it's been four days. This is the most we've been without talking-"_

_Message deleted._

I scoffed. What about that summer that he left me?

_Next new voicemail:_

"_Bella. It's your next therapy session today. Do you need a ride? Call me." _

_Message deleted._

_You have no more new voicemails. To check erased messages press-_

I pushed the off button and sighed. His last message; he sounded genuine; carefree. Like how he used to sound. I _miss_ how we used to be.

Before he left. Before I told him I loved him. Before I tried to kill myself. Before _everything._

_Flashback_

"_Hey, Bellarina, wanna go out for a bite? Yes? Cool. Kay, see you in thirty!" I listen to my voicemail and laughed. Then I looked at the clock. That message was fifteen minutes ago._

_Shit!_

_There was no way I was going to miss a day with Edward. I dashed up the stairs, taking three at a time. Yeah, I'm that cool. What to wear, what to wear… _

_Sweater or t-shirt? Skirt or dress? Jeans? _

_I decided on a Rolling Stones t-shirt and a pair of faded blue jeans. _

_Casual. _

_I almost changed my mind, but the doorbell rang. Well, guess this is it._

_I practically ran down the stair; tripping the whole way. Yanking the door open- "Hi, Edward. Want to come in?" I pushed my hair behind my ears and smiled shyly. He was so, beautiful. With his tousled bronze hair and his dark washed jeans, everything about him demanded attention. _

"_Well, Bella. I would love to stay and chat, but we have to go." then he smirked. "Nice t-shirt." I looked down and blushed, "Oh. Well, I-I, um," he smiled, "Its perfect, Bella." He leaned down and pressed a small kiss on the top of my head._

_I sighed and closed my eyes, reveling in the feeling. _

"_Alrighty then, let's go." _

_All too soon, the moment was over. _

"_So, where we are going, nobody knows about." His eyes flashed with excitement, "Where are we going?" I asked, "Somewhere." He answered vaguely. "Edward, you know I don't like surprises." He looked at me, smiling. _

_My heart stuttered._

_He was so, beautiful. _

"_I'm sure you'll like this one." _

_And then he looked back at the road, a smile dancing on his lips. _

Ex'd

I loved that day. He took me to his meadow. It was one of the last times that I saw him before he left. A bitter taste filled my mouth, and I scowled at the ground.

I completely messed it up.

I had hinted that I loved him and he left the next day.

_Flashback_

"_Hey Edward?" I asked, my feet fidgeting against the carpet on his apartment floor. "Yeah?" he asked, distracted by the TV. "um, I just wanted to let you know that… that I love you." I looked down; afraid of his reaction._

_I had been holding this feeling in for so long; I couldn't do it anymore. He turned to me and smiled, "I love you too, Bells." But, when he saw my expression, his tone turned serious, "What brought this on?"_

_He didn't get it._

_I loved him._

_Like, _loved _him. _

"_Bella?'_

"_I really love you." I mumbled. _

_Edward didn't say anything._

"_I love you too, Bella." He said slowly. And then he looked back at the TV with a troubled expression._

Ex'd

The next day, he left.

And came back, a year later.

Engaged.

His betrayal hurt.

Not only because I loved him, but also because he couldn't, didn't, confide in his supposedly, 'best friend' that he had a _fiancé. _

I sighed.

Maybe we really weren't meant to be with each other. Tugs and pulls at my heart made me think differently, but my head was telling me that I should have never loved him.

Which one do I listen to? I didn't know. But, what I did know, was that I had to let him go and to let him be happy.

Ex'd

I didn't accept Edward's offer to give me a ride. I instead texted him a quick and curt message, saying I could drive myself and thanks. That's all I could do.

Ex'd

"So, Isabella. How did this weeks' homework go?" Dr. Banner asked, expectantly. "Good enough." I looked away. "How did you do?" I shrugged. "I don't know. I didn't talk to him at all, he called me over and over, but I ignored them. The only time I made contact with him was when I texted him thirty minutes ago saying I didn't need a ride."

Dr. Banner smiled, "Good, Isabella. This process is like withdrawal from drugs." I looked at him skeptically. "Seriously. Isabella, it's hard to let him go, isn't it?" I nodded. "And, it's almost as if you're, per say, _addicted _to him, are you not?" I nodded reluctantly. "Bingo." And he left it at that.

"How about the writing portion?" I looked at him confused. "You forgot, didn't you?" I nodded, suddenly remembering the other part of my, 'homework'. "That's okay, Isabella. You've done well this week."

I didn't reply. "Isabella, tell me more about Edward, is he the reason you tried to kill yourself?" I nodded slowly and began to open my mouth.

Ex'd

My homework this week was to talk to Edward.

What?

It was like, a complete contradiction to last weeks, 'homework'. Was he trying to confuse me? Probably. That's what therapists do. Confuse people.

Whatever.

Sighing, I picked up my cellphone, an HTC vivid, and dialed Edward's number. He picked up on the first ring. "Hello?" he answered breathlessly. "Hey, its Bella." I said, shyly.

_No duh, he has caller id._

Shut up.

"Hey, Bella! I um, was, uh, waiting for this call! _Baby, who's on the phone?" _

I scowled. Tanya. What was he doing with her? Was _she _the reason he was breathless in the beginning? EW. I almost gagged in my mouth.

"it's Bella, Baby, I'll be right back. _No! Come back to bed, so we can…*giggle*" _ .ew. My heart hurt to hear him and her so happy. He was having sex with her while I was in therapy?

I sighed.

Of course they were. He _was _her fiancé.

"Uh, Edward, I'm just going to go." I stuttered. "No!" he yelled. I flinched, pulling the phone away from my ear, "It's not like that, and Tanya- she's just delusional." I smiled, delusional?

"Edward, it's okay, I understand, she's you're fiancé." I frowned, "No! We were _not _having sex! Of any kind!" he exclaimed, "Wh-what?" I stuttered, "Uh, never mind. We, uh, didn't do anything. Um, at all. I just wanted to let you know. And, uhm- how was your therapy session?"

"Edward, really, it's okay. I'll call you back later." I said reluctantly, I didn't really want to, but I'd be willing to in order to hear less of, 'delusional Tanya'. I smiled. "No, really Bella," he grunted slightly and I heard some shuffling and a door closing.

"It's fine. How was it?" he asked. "It was fine. He gets into my head a lot; it bugs me. But, I guess that's what he's paid to do." He laughed, "Yeah, I guess so. Listen, I uh, really missed talking to you."

I was shocked.

"Really?"

"yeah, I missed you. A lot." I could have sworn I heard, '_a lot more than I should.' _But I didn't want to get my hopes up.

"huh. I uh, missed you too." I said, still in shock.

A smile slowly spread across my face.

"yeah, uhm, wanna get together tomorrow? Maybe a bite to eat? Or, a movie? Or at least, _something_?" my smile got bigger. This was the most Edward has asked me to do since he got back; from before my suicide fail.

Huh. Maybe, in Edward's case, absence really does make the heart grow fonder.

**Review?**

**Thanks so much for reading!**

**I don't have internet access for the next few days; I'll be in Kansas. Sorry for the short chapter! I just wanted to get one up before Kansas. **

**Angelfallen4**


	5. Chapter 5

**Hey, everyone! Thanks to everyone who alerted and favorited! I appreciate it a TON load. **

**A special thanks to Mercyrus, berdb, bzwifemom24-7, Catie Jane, Chanahope, and two other anonymous reviewers! **

**Disclaimer: I don't own twilight**

Bella POV

The past week has been… amazing. Edward and I are getting back to how we used to; we are re-inventing the friendship that has always been there. And, slowly but surely, I am letting him go.

Of course, he doesn't know this. He just believes that we are going to be fine forever and ever while he goes off and lives in a fairytale.

No.

Uhuh, we still have the matter of, I'm quoting Edward, 'Delusional Tanya.' I knew that it was only a matter of time that Tanya would become fed up and demand that Edward choose; me or her.

I've known her attitude _and _his response long enough to know that she will win- she always does. Edward is a romanic and a gentleman, through and through; and as some may see that as a good thing, for me, it was not.

He will stay true to her. He won't leave her; Even though she's a demanding, heartless bitch.

Maybe I'm just a bit biased. Just a bit.

It kills me to admit that he won't choose me, but it's true and the sooner I accept it, the less it will hurt. Or, at least that's what I'm telling myself. Dr. Banner seems to be as well.

Dr. Banner.

I can't really understand what he is trying to do. He first made me ignore Edward for an entire week, which was _incredibly _tortuous, and now he's telling me to talk to him? I just don't understand.

But, I guess that's what therapists are paid to do; confuse their patients until they are focusing on nothing but their problem.

My phone started ringing; Edward's ringtone.

Shit!

Where is my phone?

_If stars don't align,_

_If it doesn't stop time,_

_If you can't see the sign,_

_Wait for it._

_One hundred percent,_

_With every penny spent,_

_He'll be the one that,_

_Finishes your sentences._

_If it's not like the movies,_

_That's how it should be-_

"Hello?" I answered breathlessly, "Hey, Bella!" I smiled, "Hey, Edward."

He called me. I smiled.

Why is he calling me? I frowned.

Doesn't he know the more he calls me and the more he pays attention to me, the greater I fall and the more I get hurt?

"I was just wondering if you wanted to do anything today. I've missed you." I sighed. I missed him too. What should I say? This wouldn't be helping me let him go.

But…

Just one more time, I promised myself.

One more.

"Sure. What time?" I sighed; I couldn't keep doing this to myself. "Um, would you mind going out to eat with me? I made reservations at 6:30 at La Bella Italia." He sounded so hopeful.

But, why would he have already made reservations if he didn't know my answer?

hre probably thought I would say yes; _Little Bella always says yes. _

He probably thought I would always be here; that he can just pick and choose when he wants to talk to me. Is he serious?

"Fine. I'll see you then." I said, hurt and angry before quickly hanging up.

Who does he think he is?

To manipulate my emotions?

To keep me on a god damned _leash, _to push and pull me, _whenever _he wanted to?

No.

No more.

This is the _last _time I will ever speak to this… vile man, and I will make _sure _he sees what he's missing out on.

No more.

If he wants to speak to me, he will _work _for it. He will not be a person I seek for approval because all he is a disgusting, manipulative, man.

I guess this is a reality check.

For so long, I had been blinded by his eyes, my 'love' for him, and his beauty that I _thought _was mirrored inside; hah. I was wrong.

I will prove him wrong.

Ex'd

It was 6:20. Ten minutes before _Edward _would be here. I sneered at his name. I was still fuming at my revelation about him.

_Am I, _

_A stupid girl for even dreaming that I could-_

Edward.

"What?" I barked into the phone. _Calm down, Bella, "_Woah, hey Bella. I just wanted to let you know that I won't be able to take you out tonight, I'm sorry, Bella." I swear I saw red.

Not be able to take me out, _tonight? _

No. you mean, ten minutes from now?

"You won't be able…" I seethed quietly. "Um, yeah, I am really sorry, but I thought to make it up, we could go out tomorrow?" he said, not sounding apologetic at all.

After the _effort _I put into this night? The plan I had ever so carefully construed, he was just going to _blow _it all off and, 'maybe take me out tomorrow'?

NO!

"You know what, Edward? No. No. NO! I am so sick of you just putting me off, and pulling me and pushing me as if I'm on a god damned leash! I'm not your pet, I'm not your little play thing and I am most certainly not your friend anymore!" I screamed into the phone.

He started to say something but I cut him off.

"Shut up Edward. Just shut up! I don't ever want to talk to you again! Screw you! Go marry Tanya I don't care. Not anymore. You mean NOTHING to me!" and I forcefully ended the call.

Angry tears started to stream down my face, leaving angry mascara marks and dark circles around the tops and bottoms of my eyes.

I crumpled down to the floor, not caring about my new black mini dress, and plat formed red heels.

It was all for nothing.

And as I sat there and cried.

Crying for my broken heart _because of him_, my time _wasted on him_, and my _loss of him._

Ex'd

I sat in the leather chair of Dr. Banner's office, not saying a word.

I was utterly exhausted; emotionally and physically.

"So, Isabella, do you want to tell me anything?" I nodded, but no words came out.

"Alright, how was your week speaking to Edward?" bitter tears pricked at my eyes, "Ah, so that is it. Did you not enjoy the homework?" I glared at him.

"No. I didn't. You made me completely ruin my relationship with Edward." I glared at the floor. Dr. Banner sighed, "So you did not learn anything about Edward this week?" he said, quietly, "Urgh. No! I mean, yes! I mean- ugh. I can't form any words." I breathed in deeply.

"I did learn about Edward. He is a vile, manipulative man with deceiving eyes." I scowled at the floor and Dr. Banner stayed quiet. "I don't know why I said you ruined my relationship with Edward. It was already ruined." I sighed quietly.

"And, I didn't notice. I was blinded. I was so 'in love' with him, I didn't see his faults. His _many _faults." Dr. Banner nodded, "That happens when we are deeply infatuated in a person. We tend to see the best in them, and ignore the worst," he paused, "we see what we want to see."

I nodded silently. "I just… it's hard. Even though I'm glad that I finally let him go, it still hurts. I can't just, suddenly not feel anything for him. Of course, I now know a different side of him that I didn't see before, but it only made me disappointed in myself."

Dr. Banner looked at me funny, "How so?" I sighed, 'because I had prided myself for knowing him inside and out. And two days ago, I realized that there was completely different side to him."

Dr. Banner didn't say anything.

He looked to the clock on the wall. "I'm afraid our time is up.' He said, sounding regretful, "But, the only homework I have for you this week, is to follow your heart. And ignore your mind."

What?

"But, my heart says Edward!" I said, appalled at what he had said, "It does?" he asked slightly amused, "um, yes! Why are you pointing me to that direction? I thought I was supposed to ignore him?" he didn't say anything.

"Sometimes, our head doesn't think rationally and all we need to get back on track is our heart." I started shaking my head, "dive deeper into what your heart wants, Isabella."

And then he sent me on my way.

What the hell?

Ex'd

**Short chapter. Sorry, I just think that it would be easier to update more often with shorter chapters instead of waiting forever and end up producing a slightly longer chapter.**

**It's less stressful on me, as well.**

**Thanks so much for reading!**

**Tell me what you think of Dr. Banner; is he a nut head?**

**And, I'm going to start asking questions at the end of my chapters; **

**So… what was your first heartbreak like?**

**Reviews are amazing!**

**Angelfallen4**


	6. Chapter 6

**Hey everyone! Sorry for the long wait; I was on vacation in Saint Barts! It was amazing, but now I'm back and ready to write! Updates might be farther in between because my birthday is TOMORROW, and I have summer stuff to do for school. That too is starting soon. **

**Anyways, sorry for the long speech. **

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**The feeling was so amazing!**

**Thanks to berdb, Mercyrus, tyt, pmk Kelly, Almere, and sujari6! **

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight. **

Bella pov

I've been thinking about what Dr. Banner told me to do; to think about what my heart wants. But, all I'm getting is Edward. He's like, a big wall that covers my heart- there's nothing left but him. It's really hard to admit that, but, it's true.

Even though I am _extremely _mad at him, I still have feelings for him.

Ugh!

Dr. Banner is giving me conflicting advice and it is confusing the shit out of me. I'm not even sure he's doing what he's being paid to do.

_Ring ring ring ring_

Huh. That was odd. Most all of my contacts on my phone had a designated ring tone. I looked at my screen.

919-262-7895

Who was this?

I hesitantly answered.

"Hello?"

"Hi, is this Isabella Swan?" A gruff, deep voice asked. It was slightly familiar.

"Um, yes, may I ask who is calling?" I asked, skeptical and unsure.

"This is… this is Charles Allen Swan." The man stuttered over the phone.

What?

Charles Allen Swan?

As in, my _father?_

I was too in shock to form any sort of reply. "Isabella, I know that you probably don't want to hear from me; hell, I wouldn't want to hear from me. But, I would really like to maybe get together- maybe to talk?" _Charles_, he didn't deserve the nickname of Dad, sounded so hopeful and so vulnerable.

Maybe he is finally feeling what I felt all those years ago.

_Flashback_

_Daddy was so handsome in his nice blue suit. He was even wearing the purple flower I made for him!_

"_Isabella, I have to go to work, okay."_

"_Okay Daddy." I smiled up to him but he started frowning. I don't understand? "Baby, I have to go to work and I'll be working really late. So…" he stopped talking. "What do you mean, Daddy?" he sighed deeply. "Sweetheart, I'm not going to be coming back from work."_

What?

"_But, you have to come back, Daddy! You always do!" he sighed deeply. "I know, and I have to stop coming back." _

_Why is he not able to come back home?_

_Tears started filling in my eyes._

"_I have to leave because your mommy and I aren't working together as a team any more. You remember how much working as a team matters, right, baby?" I nodded tearfully._

_Maybe he was leaving to find a better way to work as a team._

"_Well, mommy and I don't think we should live anymore and she- we have decided that the best decision is for you to stay here and for me to leave." _

_I don't understand! Does he not love me?_

"_But, I thought you love me!" I wailed. "Isabella. Never doubt that I love you. Never doubt that." _

_And then my Daddy, my knight in shining armor, left._

_This was not like my fairytale books._

_End flashback_

And I learned from then on that life itself was nothing like the fairytales.

"Charles, I, you left me. When I needed you most! Daddy, I was only seven! I needed my father!" my voice broke at the end.

"Isabella, I- I am so sorry. I just, Renee didn't want to be with me anymore; she didn't love me and I was too stupid to see that letting her be happy would only hurt you. She convinced me that since I was gone all the time for my job, you wouldn't miss me- I was so wrong to believe her. Just know that all I ever did was for your best intentions."

"You leaving a seven year old girl who thought the _world _of you is not, 'for my best intentions'."

He sighed into the phone. When he answered his voice sounded broken, "I love you, Isabella. That's all I can say other than I am terribly sorry. So, so incredibly sorry. And, I know that may not cut it. Hell, it shouldn't cut it. I just want you to know that."

My eyes started tearing up. My heart was so torn. I remember being that seven year old girl-My heart broken because I believed my daddy didn't love me.

And now, here he was, telling me he did; that he always did.

"This will take me a while to think about, Dadd-Charles." I sighed. I didn't know what my heart wanted.

Heart.

Want.

Banner.

"_Sometimes, our head doesn't think rationally and all we need to get back on track is our heart. Dive deeper into what your heart wants."_

Dr. Banner's words echoed in my mind.

Is this what he meant by it?

By reconnecting with my Father?

I sighed.

"Daddy," I paused, trying the word out, "I want to forgive you. I want to have you back into my life, and most importantly, I miss you." My voice cracked and went soft at the end.

"Of course, Isabella. I understand. I- I miss you too. Well, alright, I have to uh, go." he said in a gruff voice. "I love ya, bye baby." He said in a deep, slightly emotional voice; so unlike the father I used to know.

I used to know.

It's obvious I don't know him very well anymore; that or my seven year old memory isn't as good as I recall it to be.

Yeah.

It could be either.

"I… love you too, Dad." I smiled. This is what I really wanted.

This is what my heart wanted.

This is what I needed.

An emotional distraction.

Something that clouds my heart and is not Edward.

**Sorry for my late and short chapter. I've been super distracted and my birthday is TOMORROW! Yay! Okay, so I will update soon again, (I hope) and it would really mean a lot if you guys reviewed. **

**Lots of love!**

**p.s how old do you all think I will be?**

**Angelfallen4**


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